In the Dark

It’s a strange thing being awake when everyone else is asleep. Whether you are up all night on a night shift, caring for a child or just plain can’t sleep, having your waking hours when others are off to dreamland can really play with your body and mind.

I’ve been up all night for all of these reasons. Most recently it’s been for night shifts at work. My job is to literally watch people sleep and when you’re tired this can be a painful task. The thing is being up all night changes your day around completely and while you are upside down the rest of the world isn’t. So you feel even more out of place. It’s something you can get used too, but your whole life changes. When you are asleep everyone else is awake. And then at night the opposite is true.

Still I would hands down take a nightshift over an early morning 4 or 5 am shift. I am sooooo NOT a morning person and somehow I can cope better with being awake all night then up early in the morning. I know, I’m odd!

So now I’m working on finishing up a 56 hour week of nightshifts and all I can think of, is my nice, warm comfy bed. This is gonna be a long one!

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And The Countdown Begins

Ok so I caved! We are now counting down to the day we bring home our Jack Russell puppy. She is only 3 weeks old right now, so we have 5 weeks of anticipation to look forward too. I seriously doubt my daughter will let a day pass without asking, ” can we get her now?”

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So all my daughter’s begging and pleading, not to mention the tears have paid off for her. Mommy and daddy have given in. Truthfully I too have been wanting this moment to arrive. I miss having a dog around and I think that this little creature will bring us a lot smiles. I think she will also get our butts in motion!

Once again the power of social media has come to the rescue. I mentioned on Facebook that I was looking for a small dog and voila! I found this little darling’s breeder. So over the next five weeks we will be getting ready for our puppy’s arrival. Let the countdown begin!

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Savour This Moment

“Savour this moment” is what my husband whispered in my ear while holding me in a loving embrace and kissing my neck. We were standing on our back deck, the kids running around us playing happily on a nice sunny Sunday. It was as if for that moment in time everything was perfect. The love surrounded us and shielded us from all realities. This doesn’t happen often, so when it does; when these quiet and peaceful moments happen, you really do need to savour them.

I am a healthcare worker, caring for the elderly, sick and disabled. For years I worked in long term care facilities were the elderly go to live out the final years of their lives. I have seen the future for my husband and I. Sometimes it pains me to know that someday one of us will get sick and that our relationship will turn into something else until that one of us dies. It will not be pretty and it will be exhausting and in the end, it will be a sad release. I know that there is a good chance that we will come to this many years from now and as sad as that makes me it also makes me truly appreciate what we have now. It makes me cling to and cherish these moments of love and affection while we can still have them.

Too depressing? Perhaps this is hard to relate too. But I’m sure every parent can relate to not having enough time for your partner because of life. Kids, work, social obligations, family all compete for our time and energy. So little moments like the one we shared on a sunny Sunday afternoon are important ones because they keep the love alive; the fires a burning and the magic from slipping away.

I consider myself a romantic. Not the flowers and candy kind, but the star crossed lover kind. I think romance does not come easy and is something that you have fight to have. I think that it rarely turns out with the happily ever after you hope for, but it does have those moments that you can’t live without and you would die to have. Most importantly I think that romance is worth every once of energy and painful lesson because it is the key to love, and no should have to live without love!

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Give Me Coffee!!!

Ok so the other day I decided to give up coffee. Crazy right?! It seemed like a good idea at the time. I have anxiety and caffeine is a real no no. But I only drink one or two cups a day AND that can’t be bad for you…..right???

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I think I lasted like one day and I’m drinking a cup right now. It’s not like I haven’t given it up before. I did when I was pregnant, and a few other times when I had this crazy idea. I obviously have a problem. But I’m not willing to fix it so I’m going to go finish my cup of coffee now. Even though it’s instant. It was all I had.

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Are You Sure You Want Yo Hear It?

Advice is a tricky thing. Sometimes we give it when it’s not even asked for and other times we aren’t sure if we should give it when it is asked for. I think we have this idea that the people we have relationships with (friendships, partnerships, romances) have the right to give and receive advice automatically. It’s worked into the code. Is this right? Should we involve ourself so easily in each other’s affairs? And on the other hand isn’t that one reason we go to our “people”, to get their help?

It can be a slippery slope Because if it doesn’t work out.

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What A Mess!

Can we move to a new house now, this one is messy!?

I probably say this once a week at least. My hubby and I are constantly cleaning and yet, messy house! I had NO IDEA kids could be THIS messy! And it’s not like we have a lot of stuff. My husband I have hardly anything. The kids have most of it, but even they don’t have an abundance of toys. It’s just that they seem to think that their stuff should be ALL OVER the house at ALL times.

Now I do tell them to clean up their toys and we have thrown out things because they didn’t pick them up when we asked, so they got swept up with the garbage. Somehow this doesn’t phase them. I’ve tried punishing and rewarding, but my kids seem to have developed an immunity to my orders. Everything always goes back to being messy again not ten minutes later.

So I’m thinking the solution is to start over. Just walk away and start again. What do you think? Will it work? Hmmm ya I guess not. I wonder if there’s a boot camp for this??!!! Ok so I don’t know the solution. Except that I keep harping and they keep messing. Ooo I know….. I need a maid!

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Friendships From Afar

I am the worst at keeping in touch. I can admit it. I find it difficult to keep in touch with people I don’t see regularly. It’s not that not thinking of these people or that I don’t care, I just let life get in the way and then I let embarrassment and guilt keep me from making contact again after time has passed. Terrible I know.

Friendships are no different than spousal/partner relationships. They take and deserve effort to maintain. You have to invest time and energy into keeping them healthy and you have to be able to prioritize them in your life. The chemistry of the friendship plays a large role I how you go about this. And of course there are different levels of friendship. There the those people that you shared an event or period of time with, those you just hit it off with or had common interests with, and those that happen to meet along the way in life that may be more transient or less permanent. All deserve your attention to varying degrees. But this doesn’t make it easy. Life has a way of sneaking up on you sometimes. I think it is important to remember though how important friendships are. How in your time of need or joy it makes a huge difference having someone there to share the experience with. After all, loneliness is a horrible feeling that is easily cured with friendship!

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Pet Privilages

How many of you have kids that beg you for a pet??? And how many of you have a pet for your kids, but you take care of it?? My daughter is driving us crazy asking for a puppy! And honestly neither my husband or I are ready for that commitment.

I can remember being a kid and begging for my own dog. I had fish and birds, but no dog. Now that I’m the parent I appreciate why I didn’t have one. I now get why my parents said no. I did finally break down and get two of our kids fish. They each got a beta fish to keep in their rooms. Still I know I’m the one who is gonna care for them. It is a good lesson in responsibility and caring for them, but they are young still and can’t be held fully responsible.

It’s not that I don’t want a dog, because I do. But I just started two new jobs and am working a lot, so I don’t have the time to commit let alone the energy. My daughter doesn’t understand this if course. She thinks with her heart still. Something I could be accused of too. I will be ready for a dog in the near future. But I feel the need to have some more time right now. After all, I could use some me time too!

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Me, Myself and My Hair

My hair and I are having a fight again. I think it should do what I want and it thinks I’m crazy. That’s the problem with curly hair, much like it’s owner it had a mind of it’s own that cannot be convince to conform. It may cooperate for an hour or two. But ultimately it’s true nature comes out.

I’m at a point now where there is just so much if it and it’s just so long that I want to cut it off. Funny thing is, this is the cycle I go through. Cut it off. Wish it were long. Grow it out. Hate it. Cut it off. Sounds ridiculous. But hey who am I to stand in the way if tradition.

This of course leads us to problem number two. Finding someone to cut it. I have a real issue here. I either get a horrible hair cut or a good one the first time and a “you can’t tell it was cut” one if I go back again. So now I’m afraid to get a hair cut. However annoyance is a slightly stronger emotion for me so….. Stay tuned for when I actually get the time to do it.

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Colourful Embracing of Ink

There was a time when tattoos were reserved for sailors, bikers and convicts. When you had to be pretty badass to get ink. Safety was not a concern and tattooing was a likely source of some nasty diseases. But all that has changed. As a society we seem to be moving towards a rather quick embrace of being all inked up.

When I was 15 I begged my mom to let me get a tattoo. Her answer at the time was of course a huge no. She told me that people would judge me and that it would affect my chances of getting a good job. She also mentioned something about it being forever. She was right. At that point it was still a very taboo thing and not at all mainstream. The people that were covered in tattoos were considered rebels or miscreants. And those that were “respectable” and had them, hid them under clothing. My mom went on to get two tattoos of her own, in case you were thinking she just doesn’t like them. She put them were she could hide them under clothes. It took me until I was 25 to finally get my first tattoo, and I got it where clothing hides it.

Almost 20 years after asking her for that tattoo society has almost done a 180. Tattoos or ink has become so mainstream that they make television shows about. I had a birthday party a month ago, of the 8 people there (all within a 10 year age group), only my ultra conservative husband was without a single tattoo. In fact the majority had at least 5 tattoos. When I think of all the people I know, most have at least one tattoo. It would be mostly those older than me that don’t. It would appear that we are accepting tattoos as a normal part of our culture. I wonder if that irritates the original pioneers of tattoos. Or maybe it’s a relief, or validation.

I am almost optimistic enough to think that appearances are become less of a focus in our culture. That we are recognizing differences and rights to expression. That perhaps we are becoming less segregated as a whole. Of course this is a long shot. As I say this, commercials with unrealistic looking people are filling the tv screen and somewhere someone is being beat up for their race, sex or sexual preference. Still. It would seem with recent acceptance of homosexuality, tattoos and sex and race equality standards, that perhaps we are sifting through to find our humanity.

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