Friendships From Afar

I am the worst at keeping in touch. I can admit it. I find it difficult to keep in touch with people I don’t see regularly. It’s not that not thinking of these people or that I don’t care, I just let life get in the way and then I let embarrassment and guilt keep me from making contact again after time has passed. Terrible I know.

Friendships are no different than spousal/partner relationships. They take and deserve effort to maintain. You have to invest time and energy into keeping them healthy and you have to be able to prioritize them in your life. The chemistry of the friendship plays a large role I how you go about this. And of course there are different levels of friendship. There the those people that you shared an event or period of time with, those you just hit it off with or had common interests with, and those that happen to meet along the way in life that may be more transient or less permanent. All deserve your attention to varying degrees. But this doesn’t make it easy. Life has a way of sneaking up on you sometimes. I think it is important to remember though how important friendships are. How in your time of need or joy it makes a huge difference having someone there to share the experience with. After all, loneliness is a horrible feeling that is easily cured with friendship!

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Pet Privilages

How many of you have kids that beg you for a pet??? And how many of you have a pet for your kids, but you take care of it?? My daughter is driving us crazy asking for a puppy! And honestly neither my husband or I are ready for that commitment.

I can remember being a kid and begging for my own dog. I had fish and birds, but no dog. Now that I’m the parent I appreciate why I didn’t have one. I now get why my parents said no. I did finally break down and get two of our kids fish. They each got a beta fish to keep in their rooms. Still I know I’m the one who is gonna care for them. It is a good lesson in responsibility and caring for them, but they are young still and can’t be held fully responsible.

It’s not that I don’t want a dog, because I do. But I just started two new jobs and am working a lot, so I don’t have the time to commit let alone the energy. My daughter doesn’t understand this if course. She thinks with her heart still. Something I could be accused of too. I will be ready for a dog in the near future. But I feel the need to have some more time right now. After all, I could use some me time too!

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Me, Myself and My Hair

My hair and I are having a fight again. I think it should do what I want and it thinks I’m crazy. That’s the problem with curly hair, much like it’s owner it had a mind of it’s own that cannot be convince to conform. It may cooperate for an hour or two. But ultimately it’s true nature comes out.

I’m at a point now where there is just so much if it and it’s just so long that I want to cut it off. Funny thing is, this is the cycle I go through. Cut it off. Wish it were long. Grow it out. Hate it. Cut it off. Sounds ridiculous. But hey who am I to stand in the way if tradition.

This of course leads us to problem number two. Finding someone to cut it. I have a real issue here. I either get a horrible hair cut or a good one the first time and a “you can’t tell it was cut” one if I go back again. So now I’m afraid to get a hair cut. However annoyance is a slightly stronger emotion for me so….. Stay tuned for when I actually get the time to do it.

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Colourful Embracing of Ink

There was a time when tattoos were reserved for sailors, bikers and convicts. When you had to be pretty badass to get ink. Safety was not a concern and tattooing was a likely source of some nasty diseases. But all that has changed. As a society we seem to be moving towards a rather quick embrace of being all inked up.

When I was 15 I begged my mom to let me get a tattoo. Her answer at the time was of course a huge no. She told me that people would judge me and that it would affect my chances of getting a good job. She also mentioned something about it being forever. She was right. At that point it was still a very taboo thing and not at all mainstream. The people that were covered in tattoos were considered rebels or miscreants. And those that were “respectable” and had them, hid them under clothing. My mom went on to get two tattoos of her own, in case you were thinking she just doesn’t like them. She put them were she could hide them under clothes. It took me until I was 25 to finally get my first tattoo, and I got it where clothing hides it.

Almost 20 years after asking her for that tattoo society has almost done a 180. Tattoos or ink has become so mainstream that they make television shows about. I had a birthday party a month ago, of the 8 people there (all within a 10 year age group), only my ultra conservative husband was without a single tattoo. In fact the majority had at least 5 tattoos. When I think of all the people I know, most have at least one tattoo. It would be mostly those older than me that don’t. It would appear that we are accepting tattoos as a normal part of our culture. I wonder if that irritates the original pioneers of tattoos. Or maybe it’s a relief, or validation.

I am almost optimistic enough to think that appearances are become less of a focus in our culture. That we are recognizing differences and rights to expression. That perhaps we are becoming less segregated as a whole. Of course this is a long shot. As I say this, commercials with unrealistic looking people are filling the tv screen and somewhere someone is being beat up for their race, sex or sexual preference. Still. It would seem with recent acceptance of homosexuality, tattoos and sex and race equality standards, that perhaps we are sifting through to find our humanity.

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Baby Slow Down

Do you ever feel time slipping through your fingers? Kids are very good at making time more tangent. Those moments when you become aware of the changes in them and see the growth. It becomes harder and harder to remember how small they were when you gave birth to them. To bring back the memories of what it felt like to hold them in your arms. All of them. And for them to have completely relied on you for everything. Seeing them be people and act, think and feel for themselves is an honour but also a heartache. After all we have so little time being their world and them letting us keep them close. Soon they will be too big. It makes me sad for purely selfish reasons. I know that the ultimate goal is to make them strong and smart enough to survive our crazy world on their own. But they are my loves. They are my life. And knowing that as they grow up they grow away is a sad realization.

My one twin came to me this morning and told me his tooth could wiggle against his tongue. I almost cried. He’s only five. My daughter, who is seven is well on her way to a half empty mouth at the moment, having just lost a bottom tooth and the front two being almost ready to pop. This is just another one if those milestones that makes you realize that they don’t stay little forever. And I feel like I’m flying through then faster than I’d like.

My friend and I held a baby shower for our pregnant friend yesterday. Putting it together, making her a blanket and shopping for baby stuff brought back a lot memories. Although I have to admit the first six months of the twins’ life is a blur. Still it seems so long ago now that I held and cared for a baby. I find myself hoping to be asked to babysit for my friend just to get the chance again.

Time is so fleeting. You blink and it’s gone. I know that there is still lost to look forward too. I’m being a bit melodramatic here. They are after all only seven and five. But having had so many babies at once made enjoying the time difficult. I’m sure others with twins or closely born kids can relate. I’d give anything to have even a few seconds back to enjoy what I was too tired to back then. The next best thing for me is soaking up all the moments now. Like my giant snuggle fest this morning before getting ready for school. I think I’m also going to invest in shares of Kleenex for the next thousand milestones!

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A Life With A View

Our opinion of people, of jobs and of places is based on a few factors, like how we are raised. I think age and life experience also play a huge factor is the way we see things.

Like many teenagers I thought I knew it all and that the world would be laid out at my feet, especially if I went to university and got a degree. Of course I was about as good at knowing what career best suited me then as I am now, so my choice in subject matter in school soon became a scrambled mess if indecision. But what it didn’t become was a career. I had preconceived ideas about how important or desirable jobs were and a snobbish view on which were good enough for me. It’s funny how coming full circle in life can make you see how wrong you were. I find myself back at minimum wage jobs just trying to have a job to go to. I also find myself kicking myself for not grabbing hold of opportunities when I was young that I thought weren’t good enough.

You just never know where life is going take you. And most importantly you never know where life has taken other people. I feel humbled by the last few years of my life. Having had several traumatic events and having to return to work scrounging for anything I can get, has made me realize that you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover. I have made it my goal not to be so judgemental of people because you just never know what fires they’ve had to walk through to be standing in front of you now. Most people would be shocked by my journey. You also can’t assume that just because a person’s livelihood dictates their personality and humanity. It isn’t at all easy not to judge. We are hard wired to do so. I think it’s a form of protection and a way for our brains to quickly make sense of our world. But I do think it’s important to try really hard to fight through that instinct and view life with a 360 degree eye. You just never know what you might see and what path might open up for you if you do.

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Just Feel It

Do you ever stop to just feel?  And I don’t necessarily mean emotions, but instead being in the moment enough to feel the world around you.   Do you ever let yourself feel the wind against your face,  the water cascading down over your head in the shower, or the touch of your child’s hand against your arm?  I don’t always take the time to do this but when I do I realize what an incredible experience it is.

 

Our lives are so crammed full of activities, responsibilities and media that we often forget to recognize the little, simple things in life.  I know how hard it is to make time do anything, but this is something that really takes no time at all and can change the way you see the world and your day.  It is really just a matter of focusing on where you are at any given moment and allowing yourself to drop the filters we put up to actually experience the little stimuli in our lives.   Now there may be times when you don’t want to do this, like when you cut yourself chopping veggies for instance,  but most of are external stimuli is of a relatively positive nature and can make you feel alive.  Sometimes the simplest of things can give us the most pleasure.

 

So the next time you step out your door to go to work in the morning or you’re hugging a loved one.  Close your eyes for half a second and truly FEEL the wind, the sun, the rain, or the warmth, the strength, and the fragility of what you are experiencing in that moment.  Trust me, it’ll make your day!

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Some days

Some days are harder than others. There are times when I just don’t feel like trying, when I just want to go to bed and sleep for a very long time. When I don’t want to go to work. Or make dinner or clean the house or listen to all the crying, yelling, whining and asking my kids do in a day. But the thing is, not doing these things is lot and option. No matter how I feel, I have to go to work, clean the house, make dinner and cater to my kids’ needs because that’s what parents do. So here’s to all the parents out there that do it even though some days are harder than others!

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Wake Up, Get Up, Hurry Up!

I am categorically NOT a morning person. No matter how much of my life I have spent getting up at horribly early hours to go to work, I just can’t get used to it. My kids are morning people. Well at least two of them. They missed the memo on sleeping in. But that doesn’t mean that they are easy to get ready for school in the morning. No it just means that there is more time to convince them that they need to hurry up.

I really don’t like the whole getting the kids ready for school thing. It’s a lot of work. Not only do you have to do the regular feed them, dress them and brush their teeth thing, but there’s that added element of making preparations for the rest of their day. School lunches are a nightmare in our house because not only do not all of my kids like the same thing, but they are all so picking there aren’t many choices of what to give them. It feels like I’m rolling the dice with every lunch. Will it get eaten or will it come home? Then there is the making sure you have their agenda, their homework, their hats and mitts. So now you have all that packed up, x3, and it’s time to peel them away from whatever they may be doing to get bundled up for the bus. And one never knows of the bus will be early, on time or late. Nothing against the driver, I used to be one I know how it is! By the time you get them out the door and on the bus you feel like you’ve just run a marathon and want to go back to bed. But you can’t because now you have to get you to where you need to be.

Yeah, I don’t like mornings!

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Do Dreams Come True?

Disney has made a fortune telling us that “when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true”.  And they aren’t the first or only ones that do that.  Think back; what did you dream of or wish for when you were little?  What do your kids wish for now?  What do you wish for now?  Do you encourage your children in dreaming, or do you try to orient them to the harsh realities of life?

 

Let’s face it, not many people get to do what they love for a career.  And even if you do achieve success in your career, do you achieve it elsewhere in life too (love, friendships, health).  Or is it just a fact that you can’t “have it all?”  You certainly can’t be a hundred percent satisfied ALL the time.  But what about those dreams?  The ones that stick with you, that nag at you.  Is it ever too late for those?

 

Something hit me like a ton of bricks recently.  A self-realization.  I’ll be 34 next month and after many years of total indecisiveness and doubt I realized exactly what I should have done as a career.  A journalist.  It may seem a little obvious, or dumbfounding that I didn’t figure this out sooner, but that’s just one of my many quirks. So now I have 3 kids, a husband, and a job and I wouldn’t trade my family for anything, so how do I make my dreams come true?  It would also appear that I have picked an area that is undergoing massive change and decline.  Good choice huh?  It’s not to say that I am complaining here.  Like I said I have been lucky to find my love and have 3 beautiful children with him.   It’s just that I almost feel like my career clock is ticking and that I have been missing, partly through choice and partly through happenstance, the opportunities to make a clear path for myself.  After all the kids are getting older by the day, and soon they wont need me as much, so what will I do then?  The last thing I want to do when I am old a grey, is look back with regret for not trying to achieve something.

 

So what do you think?  Is there a point in time when you should give up on your dreams and focus on making your reality better?  Is there a way to have your responsibilities taken care of and achieve your goals?  Would you be just as satisfied if you could achieve a small piece of your dream instead of the big shebang?  My indecisiveness tell me that I’m not sure of any of this yet.  But I intend to be prepared with an umbrella for the next blow of self-realization!

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